14, 02, 2018
I don’t share my relationship much on here, but it’s Valentine’s Day so why not. I figured that since I’m not giving you guys any V-day fashions I would make up for it by spilling all — well some — of my relationship tea.
I’ve been dating my boyfriend for four years now. During that time, I’ve learned a lot about myself, the way I interact with others, my likes, my dislikes and so much more. So much so that if I were to go on this post would turn into a book — a really long book. Much of what I’ve learned/ am learning are things that I’ve always known in my head but am constantly reminded of with every interaction with him. Being in a relationship is like having one of those really up close make-up mirrors, that shows you all of your imperfections, up to your face every. Single. Day. You see a lot of yourself, to say the least.
Disclaimer: At this age, some of us prefer to live the single life but there are others who are interested in being a part of a meaningful relationship. To the former, please keep reading. You’ll find that is post isn’t as relationshippy and romantically sickening as you may think. To the latter, this is NOT an advice post. While four years may appear to be a long time, it’s really not. It’s only a teardrop in an ocean of experience that I don’t have. While this is simply me sharing a few lessons that my relationship taught me, I hope it can help you in the way you approach your romantic and platonic relationships. These lessons have not only shaped my relationship, but they have also shaped how I approach life.
Here goes . . .
1. Unfortunately, human beings are not mind readers. We have to communicate our emotions and thoughts in order for others to understand or if we want to see a change in behavior. Speaking up is good!
2. People will always try to rush you into the next phase of your relationship (or life for that matter). When will you guys become exclusive? When are you getting married? When are you guys having kids? The questions will never stop so it is important to establish an understanding between the two of you and move at a pace that works for your purpose in your life, at that time.
3. Pay attention to the little things that matter, catch the subtle nuances that highlight when something is wrong. Just be in tune with one another.
4. Be Yourself . . . with improvements. It’s important to be in a relationship where I am 100% myself, but the best version of myself. If myself is sarcastic and rude — which it can be sometimes– that’s not going to create a thriving environment for any relationship.
5. Having a life consumed by one thing, be it a relationship or anything else, is unhealthy. Have dreams, goals, friends and other things to pursue because balance is important.
6. If you have an honest partner that truly loves and cares about you, give them the benefit of the doubt. If they didn’t answer the phone because they were working, then they were working. Leave it at that.
7. Playing games and acting crazy isn’t going to create a positive environment for any relationship. That may work on Love and Hip Hop or social media, but not in real life. Handle problems with couth and move on if boundaries are crossed. While we are on the topic, know your boundaries and communicate them clearly (see lesson #1).
8. In order to grow, you’ll have to be vulnerable.